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In Memory of
Dean Carter
Port Charlotte, Florida

Born: 1968
Died: October 4, 2005

Cancer diagnosed late February 2005.

I’m writing on behalf of my husband Dean who succumbed to this disease on October 4, 2005.

Dean – an unexpected gift that came into my life and I will be forever grateful for. He was truly a unique individual. I doubt I will ever find another person who had such a positive effect on my life and loved me for me with such absolute conviction. Dean always found a spark in everyone - he would dust it off, shine it up, maybe exaggerate it a little bit… and then announce it to the world (usually very loudly) how great it or the person was. He was the absolute best at making everyone feel special each and every day. He had such a zest for living and never forgot what it was like to be a “boy”. His humor and antics were infectious, he always had a friend nearby to help him sing “fly me to the moon” or down a beer at the local bar. I can’t thank his family enough for giving me such a fine human being, he honored me by choosing me as his “Jewels”… we had three years of happy – I’ll take it and we ran with it.

Now I sit here in our living room wondering what I am to do without this wonderful person? What can I do to help others not face what we had to face? We were forced to make decisions about his care that only had to be made because of a health cost reason, his well being or end of life comfort was not considered! Yes – absolutely, ..we were blessed with many wonderful Doctors, Nurses, Techs and caregivers, friends and family who have helped provide knowledge, support and a shoulder to cry on. There are so many experiences and forced decisions that no family or patient should have to make when they are facing an end of life situation. We did not fit in “The Hospice Philosophy” box and we should have had the opportunity to proactively participate in the decision making ability of his care. Going from acute hospital care to hospice care was an excruciating painful process. Many layers of healthcare red tape and certain criteria’s are hidden from the family and not revealed until you don’t have the time to evaluate the information. We were made to feel that we had no options but to take what we were offered. Dean was a young vibrant person that was lucid and in control up until the day he passed. The system doesn’t take into account a young patient, their abilities and their families for wanting to control and have input in their own care. His struggle to continue to try and control his destiny to the bitter end was heartbreaking. The healthcare system and “Hospice Philosophy” is structured for a person that has just come to this place to die. This is just a glimpse at our experience, this is now my journey that I must take forward. What my next steps are I don’t know, but I do know that he would want me to tell his story and continue to tell his story very loudly and boldly! I will continue his legacy to meet strangers and make them smile! Karen Carter

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